My Spouse is Having an Affair, Should I Tell My Kids?

The simple answer is no.  If you find out that your spouse is having an affair, you should not tell your children, no matter what age they are.

Handling The Family Dynamic

The feeling of betrayal can be overwhelming and devastating, so imagine how your children will take the news.  Telling them the truth will likely lead to feelings of confusion, sadness, and anger.  If they are older, they may feel betrayed, and some may struggle with divided loyalties.   While it may be natural to want your children to be loyal to you when your spouse has done something wrong, and it may be natural to want your children to know the cause of the tension between you and your spouse, it is important to remember that they are children, and this should not be their battle.

It is important to remember that adult issues should be dealt with by adults – meaning you and your spouse.  Screaming, fighting, and making accusations while your children are around will cause tension, fear, and resentment.  Saying negative things about your spouse to your children will only hurt them, as they are part of both of you.  The courts look negatively upon parents who bring their children into the middle of divorce proceedings.

Keeping Private Matters Private

If the infidelity becomes public, there is a chance your children could find out about it from someone else.  You and your spouse should refrain from making public comments or discussing these issues with others in the presence of the children, and you should not post anything on social media.

Therapy, Support, and Next Steps

Seeking therapy and support in this situation is the best course of action.

A therapist can help you work through your emotions, figure out the best way to handle this as a family, deal with your children and their feelings, and provide strategies for co-parenting as you navigate this situation.

If you decide to end your marriage or separate, it is important that you seek legal advice from a trusted and skilled divorce attorney.  We are here to help answer any questions and to guide you through the legal process.